redwheelbarrow

My first Mother's Day Card.

Still in the joy-fog of excitement over the adoption, I was even more surprised to receive my first-ever Mother's day card from my step-mother-in-law, Linda.

"Your baby girl is blessed to be born into a family where love is a way of life."

So sweet! Thank you. Happy Mother's day to everyone!

- jennifer

We have been matched!!!!!!!!!!!!

Honestly, we thought the wait for a baby could be years, when we first started the adoption process...

But, we got the call yesterday that a birthmom in Arkansas wanted to meet us! I am curently in Hawaii on vacation with my Mom and Thad is home in Birmingham. Both of us, despite the time difference, got together with the birthmom and birthdad via Skype. It was so great! We talked through the help of a translater. The birthmom and dad are Marshallese, from the Marshall Islands and do not speak good English. They have lived in the U.S. for over 7 years in rural Arkansas. She is 4 months pregnant with a baby girl. And, they chose us!

So, just like that, they chose us; we signed legal documents; it's a done-deal.

There are just not words to adequately express the JOY that we are feeling. And shock. It's just so unbelievable that after 10 long years, this is really going to happen! Our dream of becoming parents is coming true. All we can do is thank God. It has been our prayer for so long!

We are very grateful, too for our Attorney, Vaughn who has worked to ensure the birthmom has what she needs, gets to her appointments, and is taken care of. Please join me in praying that she has a good pregnancy.

 

HOME STUDY APPROVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are very excited and very thankful for our Social Worker, Tyler.

Next step: baby!

 

 

Nursery for Baby Hodges

We finished the nursery! We finished it for the home study (though not required per se) but also, just in case we 'get the call' about a birth mom, a baby, a lead - - we want to be ready. It is in our nature to be planners and preparers. Plus, it was so much fun.

As we've stated before, we are in the early stages of building a home. We are currently living in a mobile home on the home site. It's been an adventure moving to such a small space, but a lesson in simplicity for sure. And as an added bonus, we do not have rent/mortgage payments. So, I will take living in a small space for that!

We love birds and nature, so for the nursery, we picked out a unisex theme by Skip Hop called Woodland Friends. It's adorable with small birds, owls, trees and flowers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My very creative and artistic cousin, Danielle, made adorable fabric artwork a couple of years ago which inspired us to create a nursery with birds. Thanks, Danielle!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Beautiful Words

I found something online that I believe completely and accurately sums up how we feel about our pending adoption:

"Adoption: Not a second choice, a fallback option or because you can't have 'your own,' but wholly believing you are seeking to bring home the very child God created with you and your home in mind, fully equipping you to be the very parent He created you to be." - author unknown

Beautiful words.

The Home Visit.

During the adoption home study process, we have completed lots of paperwork, written autobiographies, answered discussion questions, been FBI-fingerprinted, been cleared with the Child Abuse & Neglect center, provided countless documents (marriage certificate, birth certificates, pet vaccination records, college diplomas, tax records, etc) as well as a complete financial statement. We were subjected to a comprehensive physical by our Doctor, resulting in bookoos of blood tests, TB tests, and urine tests. We had to get local criminal checks run, get our co-workers and family to write recommendation letters, and had to get about 10 different things notarized.

We compiled a reading list of some of the most useful adoption books and began reading: Attachment in Adoption, Transracial Adoption, What to Expect the First Year, The Legal Process of Adoption, the Adoption book for family and friends, etc. We are reading books, blogs, articles, forums - - you name it, we are getting informed.

We arranged our finances to prepare for the upcoming/ongoing expenses of infant adoption.

We have had a couple of really good meetings with our social worker, Tyler. He, too is a adoptive parent and is very understanding of what we are going through. He is very knowlegable and kind and always makes us feel like we can ask him anything. He understands the steps, the transitions, the process and giving unconditional love to a child not born to you. He gets it.

We have now officially completed all of the required meetings with our social worker for our home study approval. There is only one step left: the home visit.

Now here is where I get nervous... I see the dust on my ceiling fans, the clutter in my closet, the 25 Rubbermaid containers full of unknown stuff stacked in the spare room. I see the cat hair and the dirty wood floors. I see the unpainted hallway and the clothes stacked on the dryer. I can't imagine my living space being "ready" for an inspection in just 2 weeks. 

But, I have read some blogs and articles on the home visit. Apparently, it is not a "white glove" inspection. Social workers are understanding of the realities of life (packed closets, clutter, dust). They are really looking for safety concerns, adequate living space for the child, and a clean/healthy environment. I'm sure the folks at DHR have seen it all! But it still makes me feel anxious. I wish I had a huge house that was organized, clutter-free and perfect. Although I don't know if that exists anywhere.

Since Tyler is an adoptive dad himself, I am hoping he sees the potential in our living space. I hope he overlooks the crooked light fixtures, the broken closet rod, the mismatched wood flooring, and the dusty baseboards. Instead, I hope he sees the positives: a paid-for home; a new, clean ready-to-move-in nursery with a new smoke detector; the coziness of a living room full off photos of family and friends; the tidy kitchen with a basket full of healthy fruits and veggies; the baby locks on the cabinets with chemicals; the newly-mounted fire extinguisher by the door... And most of all, two of the most eager soon-to-be parents he will EVER meet.

Our First Baby Gift!

Today my Mom and Dad bought us our first baby gift: the Baby Brezza.

They are totally on-board with this adoption, can you tell???

It's like a Keurig for baby formula and a must-have for someone, like us, who will only be bottle-feeding.

There is a formula "tank" on top and a water tank on the side, so you can use any formula (organic for us). The machine dispenses the exact amount of formula and mixes it with water heated to body temperature. Instantly.

3 AM bottle feedings will be MUCH easier. Thanks Mom and Dad.

Exciting!

 

- jennifer

Transitions

Today we finally move from the snow laden landscape of New Jersey to a snow free (but still cold) Washington DC. It's been a while since we have been here. The last time was during the Cherry Blossom festival last year. There was also an Oriental Heritage festival going on. There was a wishing tree where we made a wish for a child. It feels more real now than ever. We've been saving you seat.

Hope to see you soon.

 

Washington Monument Today

The Wishing Tree at the Cherry Blossom Festival in DC 2013

Almost Paper Pregnant!

It's decided. We are not using an Adoption Agency or an Adoption Facilitator. Instead, we've gotten an Attorney. We are a few more steps closer to being paper pregnant!

The Attorney.

Tonight we talked for 45 minutes with our Attorney in Arkansas who will be handling our adoption.

It went so well! He is an Ivy-leaguer so probably doesn't have to handle adoptions to have a successful practice. He could have stayed in the northeast with big-name clients and powerful firm partners. But he lives and practices in rural Arkansas, helping the hurting and desperate.  He is an adoptive parent himself and I could tell creating adoptive relationships are dear to his heart.

He explained the process, the progress, the paperwork, the costs, the travel, the timeline, the hearings - - you name it. He was very polite and about the "business" of it all. But when discussing the birth moms, he was particularly compassionate. I could tell his goal is a mutually beneficial arrangement: one best for both the birth mom, the adoptive parent, and the child. So I knew we wanted to use his services. He already has birth moms available!

Open Adoption.

When we first read about open adoption years ago, I was terrified. I thought it meant visitation rights, co-parenting, etc. I thought I would be raising a child whose birth mom would be "interfering" with our new family: sometimes wanting to come for holidays, sometimes not. That the child would hope for a birthday card then not get it. Or that the birth mom would want me to "ask permission" for things or be critical of my parenting.  It was scary to think we've been waiting to have a child for a decade and would not have total "control" over our family dynamic.

But, as I have read more books, blogs and articles about open adoption, I've come to realize it is not like that at all. There are boundaries. There are rules. And its all included in the contract. I'm not saying its always perfect, but I do think its worth a try.

I'm No Psychologist, But...

Here are some ways I think open adoption would be beneficial for our child:

- There would be no "secrecy" about where they come from. (The child's adoption day will be celebrated - - why would we keep that a secret?? In more typical adoptions, the birth mom can choose to be anonymous. This could lead to many, many questions later.)

- There will be open communication about where they come from (Not waiting until they are adults to tell them they were adopted.)

- There will be no/less "shame" that they were "abandoned" or "unwanted" (I've read alot of case studies that this is one of the most difficult issues to deal with in adulthood when you have a greater capacity to wonder "why").

- There are more people in the child's life for love, support and prayer

- Some Cultural ties will remain (important for transracial adoption, as we are doing)

- The birth mom would have more security in knowing they will still see their sweet baby grow up and feel good about the decision they made (I'm speculating here - - I'm not a mother, but I would imagine if I was a birth mom in a similar situation, I would prefer an open adoption to remind me that I did the best thing for my child).

- The birth mom would be unlikely to change her mind at birth. (This may seem selfish, but it does happen. Of course, they have EVERY right to change their minds, but once you enter into a legal agreement/contract with an Adoptive Couple, where they have spent months preparing and years saving money, its so devastating to have that ground yanked from underneath. Therefore, I think if the birth mom knows going into the contract that it is an open adoption, and she will still have contact with the adoptive family, then I believe she would be more likely to follow through with the adoption.)

Open Adoption in Arkansas.

Our adoption will be finalized in a court hearing in Arkansas. The funny thing is, the state of Arkansas doesn't recognize open adoption. So there is no way, even when included in a legal document, that the state of Arkansas will enforce open adoption. However, our Attorney eluded that the open adoption relationship is based on trust. For some, its just an agreement to be "friends" on Facebook or letters and photographs. To others, it may be annual visits, holiday gatherings, or Skype calls.

At this point, I have no idea to which degree our adoption will be "open" but I look forward to discussing it with our birth mom and creating a relationship that is the healthiest for our child.

 

- jennifer

 

Jan 9, 2014

At the doctor this morning for our Home Study lab work bringing us one step closer to making our family whole!